I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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