This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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