But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
