just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
