I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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