you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
