I wish I could teleport
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
