I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
