dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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