What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
