you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
