I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Panties = found
Randomize
