it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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