I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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