Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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