Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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