BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
