when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
