Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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