Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
