Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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