I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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