I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
