so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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