Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
