i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
