is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize