You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
