the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
