he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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