Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
