Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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