Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize