i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
