Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
