That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
