Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
