I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
