do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
