if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
