I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
