i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's always time for handjobs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
