There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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