They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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