Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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