Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
