Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
