just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
