Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
