I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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