and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize