it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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