No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
