I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
