There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
