Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
