Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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