fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
