Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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