I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
