Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
