I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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