After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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