he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
