If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
