i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
