The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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