i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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