the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
