Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
